(Images property of author.)

YOUR BIG BRO JOSH: DECLASSIFIED #1

POEM — Dedicated to my siblings, Angel, Andy, Alaina.

Being the big brother is scary.
Fear and anxiety live rumpled up
and tucked into fresh, slim-jean pockets,
right
along 
with 
the ever-present possibility 
of disappointing 
the most important people in my life.

In some way, and somehow,
in my paranoid mind
any and every choice I make 
could decide
whether 
I’ll see a role model, or a loser 
looking 
 back at me,
in the reflection of your eyes, tomorrow.

Though not requested, as the oldest, 
I made it my burden in 1993 
to be responsible
and watch over you 
WEIRDOS
like you were my own kids.
I owned the role of the weird ‘bro-parent’, 
and did my best 
to make you proud 
 as the brother I thought you needed.

You have always been my best friends.
You’re the only old roommates I never stop missing. 
You are my blood, my inspiration, 
my strength, my weakness,
my life vest 
in life’s deep end,
my three-day weekend
in a calendar chock full of Mondays.

I’m sure you’ll think it fiction, but 
your happiness 
will always come before mine.
There is no agony equal 
to seeing my little siblings in pain, 
nor 
any fear of mine 
 more terrifying 
 than the thought of losing them.

I love you three so much it hurts,
and not a fancy-enough word exists
in the dictionary 
to describe how immensely 
proud your big brother is of you.

Toast to the Four Locos!
We gold-hearted hard heads,
who on occasion
butt domes, 
but never abandon each other.

Angel, Andy, and Alaina—
No matter the court, or sport,
toast 
to the best teammates 
this space hippie could ever hope for
in the epic 
game of life.

Lover Boy in Space

Joshua Muñoz

ig: loverboyinspace.poetry

Prompt: Things I can’t tell my siblings

This prompt was given to me by my brother, Angel, three or four years ago, and out of intimidation I let it get buried in my notes, until these past couple weeks. My time has been totally consumed with this prompt this month. It started as one poem, but it was getting long, so I decided to break it up into multiple parts. Here is the first.

Welcome to my world, and thank you for reading. ✌🏽👨🏽‍🚀